Dimensions of Coercive Control
Understanding the different dimensions or phases of coercive control is important for service providers. These phases may include grooming and love bombing, tactics used by abusers and/or their families, and then the response of the victim. Here's a sequence outlining these phases:
Grooming
Coercive control often begins with grooming or love-bombing techniques, involving excessive attention, flattery, and affection. In many cases, this quick and intense courtship involves constant communication, heartfelt notes, and thoughtful gifts that make the victim trust them, possibly leading to living together or marriage. The motives behind grooming may include:
- Establishing control over the victim
- Creating a strong emotional bond and psychological dependency
- Fostering a false sense of closeness, misleading the victim about the abuser and their family's true identity
Coercive Behaviour
Once the victim's trust is gained, a multitude of coercive control behaviours may follow, creating a constant and ongoing cycle that leaves the victim with no break or relief. These actions look like:
- Isolating the victim from friends and family
- Subtle criticisms and increasing demands on the victim’s time and attention
- Slowly introducing controlling behaviours, causing confusion and doubt in perception
- Instilling fear, making the victim feel helpless and unable to leave the relationship
The Response
The Response refers to how the individual reacts to the coercive control. These responses often reflect the impact of the abuser’s tactics, influencing the victim's sense of self, ability to make decisions, and access to support systems. Some responses might include:
- Victims often feel confused by the abuser's manipulative tactics, making them doubt their own thoughts and decisions
- The grooming and love bombing create a strong emotional and psychological dependency on the abuser
- Coercive behaviour instills fear, making the victim feel helpless and unable to leave the relationship
- The victim's isolation from family friends and community makes it harder for them to seek help or recognize the abuse
Case study
Khalid met Ayah through his mother Maryam’s connections and was certain she was the one for him. He fully trusted his mother’s ability to make the right decisions for him.
Khalid and Maryam overwhelmed Ayah with passionate declarations of love, showering her with expensive gifts and constant attention. Khalid sent dozens of texts daily, expressing his deep commitment and how she was "the one." Khalid portrayed himself as the perfect partner - family-oriented, well-mannered, and hardworking. Maryam portrayed herself as the ideal mother-in-law, embracing Ayah as if she were her own beloved daughter.
Ayah feels a mix of emotions: excitement from the romance and overwhelmed by the intensity of Khalid and Maryam’s affection. She's flattered by their attention but recently has been experiencing moments of unease she can't quite explain.